A Page Out Of Many

Wednesday, March 15, 2017 10 Comments A+ a-


I would like to share something that is super personal to me and only one person has ever read in my life. What I'm about to share with you was written a few months ago, something that I felt just needed to be let out. This is not a poem, this is not meant to be artistic, it is simply a page of my life.

I should also mention that this is a huge step for me, I have never openly spoken about my mental health like this before. Half the people in my life have no knowledge of my mental being, as I've always wanted to keep that to myself.

~~~

"What's happened to make you like this?" They ask, but will never understand.

How could they though? How would they know? How could they know how your thoughts run? How one thought can lead to something else then something else, to then the one thing you tried to forget? How could they know?

How could they know that waking up in the morning is just the beginning of your struggles? That the thought of going through one more day with your own mind drives you to the edge. How are they to know, when you don't know yourself?

You smile, you blink, you make polite conversation, and there it goes you own thoughts wonder as they please.
"Good morning" you say, but little do they know your thoughts are thinking about last night, to that lie you now know. Slowly your face starts to show, but no one sees. You quickly shake your head and tell yourself to smile and so you do.

The day goes by, to the world you're okay, you're just doing your job. Suddenly you find yourself on the toilet floor crying hysterically. Why? That's what you've been asking yourself for the last 20 minutes.

No one understands you say, you don't understand either. You tell yourself to get a grip, grow a back bone and hold yourself together. Just as you stand up, you fall back down, it's the cycle, your thoughts are not finished yet.

Now you tell yourself you're being stupid, that it's all your fault you're in the position, you blame yourself. "What did I do to deserve this?" You ask, to God, to the sky, to anyone who will listen, but no one is. You're all alone. 

Even in a crowd full of people, even the person you believe to be the love of your life, you feel alone. You sit there making conversation about your day but fail to tell them about your little moment on your work toilet floor. "It's nothing" you tell yourself but it's really everything.

You may think this is just the beginning, but this is just a cycle, a cycle of many. This is just the base
of what happens everyday.

10 comments

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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

'Its nothing you tell yourself but its everything' - powerful!!!! I know you said this isn't suppose to be an artsy post etc but you have written it in such a powerful way!! Thanks for making yourself vulnarable and being so honest in your posts! Xox

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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

I love this post so much and I can relate so hard! Thank you for being brave enough to share this x

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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

I love the line 'how are they to know, when you don't know yourself?' I love how you have written this and it's extremely powerful

Tasha x

http://itsatashathing.blogspot.co.uk/2017/03/march-2017-lush-giveaway.html

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Candice Mes
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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

What a powerfully honest poem. Keep writing, keep sharing!

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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

It is such a beautiful post. And really powerful. It must have been so hard to write it. You're really brave. xx Corinne

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lifeasloismay
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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

This is a really powerful message! I love it and think that you are so brave for positing this. I also admire people who speak about mental health in their content. Great read!
Lois x
www.lifeasloismay.wordpress.com

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elishaainsley
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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

I love the way this is written - it is quite poetic!

Know that you are not alone in feeling the way you do. The best thing you could probably do is find somebody to talk to - whether that be a close friend, your partner, or a therapist. Don't be ashamed of your thoughts and feelings - seek help and find solace x

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Bethany Evans
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Thursday, 16 March, 2017 delete

What a powerful blog post. You aren't alone in what you feel x

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elizabeth
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Friday, 17 March, 2017 delete

This is such a powerful, deep, beautifully written piece. I have found such comfort in your words, you are never alone in how you feel <3 I am here to talk anytime you need me ^^ xx

elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara (P.S let's follow each other on bloglovin or instagram :D xx)

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Thursday, 23 March, 2017 delete

I think it's totally healthy that you wrote this as a way of expressing you emotions. I found diary and journal keeping to be extremely peaceful when I was going through tough periods in my life. It felt like I was taking the bad energy out of me and putting it on the page. You're amazing for sharing this. So many people can relate 💕 I love you. ♥️

Breanna Catharina
toocuteforlife.com

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