I've Never Been Open About My MH

Wednesday, March 08, 2017 20 Comments A+ a-


Until now, nothing like this anyway. So here we go..

The first time I'd like think I've ever opened up briefly about my anxiety was in a few of my holiday posts last year in Marrakech over on our travel blog, which is you wish to read here, but as little and brief that was, I've never liked publicly sharing my issues.

Of course I've spoken about my problems to close friends and raised my concerns but I have never put it into perspective that it's due to my depression or anxiety. 

In all honestly, I truly believed many people would just think I was lying or simple seeking for attention, I won't even deny that I've thought others have done it for attention, but that probably due to the overuse of people expressive their depression and anxiety when it really isn't, so I've always kept it to myself.

Reading other people's stories, experiences and attempting to understand myself has led me here. Due to recent circumstances, I have learnt that keeping it all in doesn't help at all.

As mentioned in my first post, I'm just here to share my lifestyle, thoughts and experiences, and I would like to hopefully influence anyone who needs it to open up too.

Ask Me


For the longest of time, I have been in major denial about my mental health - I genuinely just called myself crazy, that's so bad I know. Even with being on anti-depressants in the past and being referred to mental health specialists from my GP, I still insisted I was okay and this was normal for me. But, I guess this is normal to me, my normal, but I tend to forget it's not for everyone else. All I knew was that I felt and my thought process was different to most people I knew.

I guess this is another reason why I've really ever spoken about my depression and anxiety because I've always convinced myself that it's something normal.

All I want is normal you know. So I've always told myself that I'm okay, that I can control this. I don't need medicine, it's all in my mind. So I came off it and until now, I am happy with my decision but I do have those moments where I feel like I would give anything to make it stop. Just make it all go away, but I can't.

No matter how hard I smile, no matter how loud I laugh, I'd always still feel empty. I used to think I was a pro at hiding it and for the longest time I thought I was close to normal but only recently I realised, it was a big lie. A massive cover up on what was really been building up underneath.

Now I'm finding it hard to control my feelings and doings, I just can't disguise at well as I used to. I have more frequent panic attacks, in public. I can't sleep, more like I'm scared to sleep. I'm just worried, about me and my way of thinking.

"What's more deadly, a thought or a gun?
a gun gives you the opportunity, but a thought pulls the trigger."


Sometimes, I like to think I'm okay or am I still in denial?

Want to know more?

Food & Couple Lifestyle | Travelling

20 comments

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Micah Lee
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Wednesday, 08 March, 2017 delete

Sending you big hugs <3

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Alex Osman
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Wednesday, 08 March, 2017 delete

Love this post. Such a strong girl. Love you cx

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

I love that this is such a raw post! Thanks for being so honest its not easy! Just so you know you're doing really well and the fact you took this step to start your blog you're so on the right tracks! Love you! Xoxox

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thank you for being so honest! It's so refreshing to read and it's always a comfort to find other people who feel the same and are going through the same things! Big hugs x

Tiffany x www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

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Candice Mes
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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Keep sharing and being open* it's difficult but it will help you heal and ask for support in the long run

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Claire Gordon
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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thank you for being so honest, what a brave post! Sending you lots of hugs xo
www.clairelouiisexo.wordpress.com

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Golden Memos
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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thanks for sharing this with us. Stay strong xx

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

This is a great post. You're a strong woman. Sending loads of love. Mental health is so badly understood in our societies... crazy. Good that things are starting to change! xx C&K

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Amy Cate
AUTHOR
Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thank you for being so strong. You should be proud of this post!

-amy
www.scarielsgrotto.com 🖤✨

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

I get ya. I'm so in my head and overthink things. I thought I was normal, but when I talked to a councilor, she really made me see how toxic my thought process was. It was normal for me though. What's important is realizing that the toxic thoughts you have inside are unusual so you can try your best to find balance. ♥️ I love you for opening up about this 💕

Breanna Catharina
toocuteforlife.com

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thanks for being so open and honest! I don't think metal health is talked about enough! Big hugs lovely!

L xo
www.lindsaymurrell.co.uk

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lifeasloismay
AUTHOR
Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

It is so great that you have built the courage to talk about this topic! Mental health is a really important issue and my heart goes out to you, it must be difficult!
Lois x
www.lifeasloismay.wordpress.com

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

I admire your courage to share what you have. I could never fully understand what you've been through or what you're going through but I do share similar stories about panic attacks and having to "hide" what I'm really feeling.

My best advice to you is to reach out to those who love you, they'll reassure you when all you feel is doubt.

Good luck, stay strong - YOU CAN DO THIS!

♡ Christine Anne
A Blueberry Girl

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Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

Thankyou for being honest, I'm in the exact same position! I've thought I was 'normal' for years despite seeing numerous therapists. It's so nice to see I'm not alone! Big hugs x
PaleGirlRambling xo

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Lolita Bonita
AUTHOR
Thursday, 09 March, 2017 delete

I spent a lot of time thinking I just had to deal with and thats life. No amount of antidepressants changed that. I learnt however to control my panic attacks by recognising the oncoming symptons and taking myself out of the situation that would encoutage it. I would still spend countless hours on phone to mum and aunty but at least the hyperaventalation and uncontrollable shakes didnt appear. Stay strong honey and look at the great things in life! X
Lola Mia // www.lolitabonita.co.uk

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Sunday, 12 March, 2017 delete

This is such an honest post, thanks for sharing :) reading other people's stories really does help

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Terri Heckley
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Sunday, 12 March, 2017 delete

I've been feeling the same lately. My sleep pattern is ruined due to my brain going into overdrive. Thank you for sharing!

Terri x
www.territalks.co.uk

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bbbryony
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Sunday, 12 March, 2017 delete

never be afraid to open up, you seen like such a strong girl, great post x

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Morgs
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Sunday, 12 March, 2017 delete

So glad you shared this <33

Morgan // www.justmorgs.com

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Megan Lisa
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Sunday, 12 March, 2017 delete

Thankyou for being so honest and sharing your story! Stay strong x

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